The girl laid with cricket boy, it was around three in the morning and they had been talking about how the year before went and how they were hoping the next would be different. He leaned closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, as she leaned more towards him to give him a hug back. There was something different about this hug, it wasn’t meant to be one. She looked up at him as he pressed his lips against hers, and she thought for a second she returned it, but it felt like an eternity that they were frozen, but it must have been only a few seconds as she turned her head away from his and leaned it into his shoulder not daring to look at him, her thoughts were already starting to race and she knew what was coming and couldn’t stop it.
“I’m sorry.” He started to say as she pulled away and sat cross legged watching him, her hands pressed against the bottom of her face hiding it from view. She forced a smile and told him it was fine. It may have been fine but she wasn’t. Her breathing was starting to come in and out of her body rapidly. He kept repeating he was sorry, the words making her feel worse. “I shouldn’t have after you told me no to go out on a date but I was hoping…” He got out softly. His words were making it worse, they made her feel tiny and like she did something wrong to make him think there was any chance even if she had been very upfront.
“I’m sorry I can’t… I just can’t I’m sorry.” She felt herself repeating as her entire body started to shake and her breathing got faster. He moved to sitting up watching her confused.
“It’s okay it’s my fault, you have nothing to be sorry for.” He told her moving giving her a hug, it was impossible that he missed how her entire body was shaking.
“I think I’m having a panic attack oh god I’m so sorry.” She managed to get out trying to control her breathing even if it wasn’t working very well. Her entire jaw trembled when it moved. He started trying to calm her down by focusing on the cooler in the corner of the room and repeating himself, “It’s not working,” she managed to get out a laugh making its way out of her mouth.
He leaned back a moment before he started asking her questions, easy ones about the movie and what they did earlier that night, ones that took her a few moments to remember. Slowly as he asked more he pulled her mind out of the place it buried itself in. Her breathing was slowing down and she was focusing on the random and obvious questions he was asking.
She felt herself saying sorry again as he told her to stop it, the last time she was doing that she caused herself a panic attack. He softly said how he should probably leave after that. They cleaned up the basement from their night as she tried to make her hands and legs work properly everything didn’t want to do what she asked. They talked lightly as she jokingly asked if he was going to start avoiding her again.
After they had everything back to the way it was she walked him up to the door and gave him a hug goodbye before closing the door behind him as she walked upstairs to her room wondering if she was that oblivious or if it was just as surprising as she thought. Another small creeping thought entered her mind; did she really want to kiss him back?