Things can be perfect in life. Nothing bad happening but all the things in the past that have happened and all the things that could happen pressed down on the girl. It’s hard to explain when you don’t even know yourself what’s wrong.
But there is something wrong.
A sense of uneasiness and doubt. The ever present panic attacks that seemed always so close, but never reaching the point where it becomes impossible to pull yourself out of it, or at least try and lessen the effects. Her chest tightening, air refusing to saturate her lungs. The shaky feeling in her hands and the intense need to leave the room she’s in. Throughout her day, in the middle of classes, this feeling always having to fight down.
Then the sadness, the overwhelming sadness when she gets home. Crawling in bed exhausted and depressed wishing to never leave that spot again tears filling her eyes an emptiness that she had been trying to ignore all day grew and swallowed her whole. The intense feelings of need to cut her skin apart and watch the blood seep out of her skin creating that rush, that intense relief that she so needed.
She couldn’t. She had to be strong. She had to be strong for the only person who kept her moving throughout her day with his constant messages and compliments and random conversations. She had to put on a brave face for him because it hurt her for him to worry. He knew, a few times her shell cracked when he was about to leave and she lost all composure. Wrapped in a hug she would suddenly hold tighter not wanting to move and starting to shake as tears would pour from her eyes. These moments only made her feel worse, she didn’t want him to worry more than he already did.
She laid curled up in bed thoughts racing through her mind. He was too good for her, he put up with all her bad sides because she was sure she didn’t have a good one and why did all this happen to her when things were supposed to be going so good? and How long could someone go through these race of emotions before they finally crack?